After her telling Kendro off Kelly told them in not so many words, that it better not happen again and that they really needed to step up in future because they were through! I was so happy for them, but it was obvious to everyone but them that they were going through to the next stage of Bootcamp. Kelly then told the rest of us, who’d sang the words, brought energy at 1.15am in the morning, that we were going home. Not quite knowing straight away what happened we all said thank you anyway and left the stage with our heads hanging.
As I walked down the stairs at the other end of the stage it hit me. It was over. My X factor experience, my hopes for bigger and better opportunities to become a great performer, singer and entertainer were gone and quicker than you can blink. I started to get upset and tried to fight back uncontrollable, tired tears. The camera was in my face straight away, researchers asking stupid, obvious questions like “did you get through? Aagghh, sorry, how do you feel? What will you do now?” All for good tv. It was then that I turned and I was angry. “We worked so hard, for hours and hours and it still wasn’t good enough!” I moved through the backstage area to be stopped by another researcher and still feeling destroyed I was told to wait for an Xtra Factor interview with Olly and Caroline. I really didn’t want to do it but I liked Caroline, she was very friendly and seemed a nice person in previous interviews with Paul and I. So if nothing else it would give me a chance to say goodbye. When I was waiting to do the last interview there were two other people who’d got through who were waiting with me. They looked so happy, of course. So then it was time for me to go in and do my final bit. I was trying so hard not to cry. I told them “at least I’ve still got this” pointing to my engagement ring. “you’ve still got your man” said Caroline and I finished her sentence by saying “yes and he’s wonderful!” As I left Olly called out to me, “Sam?” I turned around to him saying “don’t give up, there’s always next year?” I quickly responded “I ain’t doing this again!” He said he was sorry that he he didn’t get the opportunity to meet me earlier and then gave me a hug. I thought he was very kind and to my surprise a tv person who was genuine. I thanked him and walked back to the backstage area heading for the stairs to take me back upstairs to my luggage. It was pointed out to me on the way that all of the hopefuls who had made it through had already had their luggage separated from everyone elses and it was stored neatly ready and waiting for the next location. Oh well.
I walked back upstairs to speak to a researcher to organise my trip home. I was heartbroken and sobbing at this point. A wonderful and kind lady called Kiki came over to me and I don’t even remember her words because when I’d come round again and turned to my left I saw her and asked, “did you not get through?” She explained that she’d just had a conversation with me and that I responded. But I was blind and deaf with sadness that even though I did my best it still wasn’t what they were looking for. When it was my turn to speak to a researcher I was asked to hang about for another couple of hours so that they could do some more filming. What? “What for?” I said. “What’s the point?” She responded “well you’re still part of the show”. I said, “well that all ended for me when Kelly Rowland told me NO” I was told to think about it and have a cup of tea or coffee and I might feel differently. I don’t flamin think so.
I called Paul and explained and he tried to console me and then said he’d pick me up straight away and not to worry about Lewis, he’d bring him with him. He said “you’ve only had two hours sleep honey, I don’t want you walking around London trying to get a train with all your luggage, I’ll come and get you”.
I couldn’t get my head around it all, we talked about it being a ‘game show’ which is a comment we’d heard from someone else who was angry and upset. We couldn’t believe the talent that was being told to go home. Disbelief and shock was the feeling of all of us waiting for our transport home. I sat and waited for Paul with a hot coffee and good friends that I’m thankful for. That was one of the greatest parts of the whole thing, the singing, the friends, the laughs, the highs, lows. I’ll never forget these people and I wish them every success for their futures. Also for Kendro I wish them happiness and success. It’s always nice to hear that someone made it!