When I first decided to apply to go on
X factor in 2011, I was very apprehensive because I doubted my ability, age, situation, everything really. I am a born worrier what can I tell you. My partner
Paul Ricketts, whom I’d been with for two years at the time persuaded me to ‘go for it’. I thought I’m 37, Lewis my son is five and he would love to see Mummy up on the tv singing. So I went for it. Sitting on my own I applied online and sent in an attached video, the video was from a D day event I sang at. After I submitted it I was terrified and excited at the same time. I told Paul I’d applied and he was overjoyed and also very excited. He’s always been very supportive and encouraging so I knew I could count on him to look after things if I was lucky enough to get through to Boot Camp. Then we waited... and waited... and waited some more. Many weeks later I received an email saying I was through to the second stage. I was thrilled to bits and phoned Paul straight away. I was with my Mum at the time and she also was excited for me. After I read the details of what to do next it all started to become something we as a family were very much involved in.
This is the link to some of Sammy's music that I like.
What I didn’t realise however was that there were ‘Production auditions’ to go through first. When Paul and I arrived at the
ExCel Centre in London for 7am, we had to join the queue with all the other hopefuls. Not knowing what to expect and how we were going to be auditioned we were all talking about what great opportunities lay in wait. When we went in after being divided into groups, we had to fill in a form and sit in a waiting area for my name to be called. Luckily Paul and I had only just sat down when they called out, “
Samantha Hallam?” “Ooh yes! Here I am!” I replied. Then I was taken off to another room to be auditioned by two people, who were very nice, they asked me questions about myself and why I wanted to be a part of X factor. I told them, “I’m 37 year old Mum, pub singer, if I don’t do it now I never will”. I also went on to talk about how Paul had encouraged me that I was good enough and need to give it a go. Then I went on to sing my song
a capella, I sang a
Vera Lynn song called ‘Lilly Marlene’ which was my Nan’s favourite. She always sang it so my Mum tells me. Mum also said my Nan would’ve been so proud of me doing something like this. When I’d finished the people judging me wondered if I had anything else prepared so I went on to sing
Adele’s ‘Rolling in the Deep’. They both really liked my voice and I was so happy. The comments though did surprise me because the Vera Lynn song was enjoyed more. I then thought to myself, ‘right ok I’m going to do that for the next audition’. But I was also told that I should keep in mind that it was a ‘pop star’ competition so maybe I should give the next judge the option of what I could sing to them and to remain contemporary.
I was given a red certificate which I proudly held as I left the room and I went out to be congratulated by others waiting for their auditions. I found Paul and we were then escorted to a big room full of chairs to await a more personal interview and to fill in more paperwork. In this part I met an X factor researcher and we got on very well. They were all very friendly and welcoming. After this we had to go upstairs to wait further for another audition which this time was going to be filmed! This was very exciting for us both. We’d never done anything like this or experienced anyone going through something like this. I was incredibly nervous sitting there outside another room with five other very young hopefuls wondering if their futures were going to be changed forever.
When I went in I gave Paul one last smile and he gave me a ‘good luck darling’ and I walked in with my backing cd in hand. There was a camera set up and another lady sitting at a desk. “Come in” she said with a friendly smile. My heart was thumping in my mouth and I couldn’t breathe. I gave the lady with the camera my cd and proceeded to answer more questions about myself and Paul, my family and the songs I’d like to sing. I sang Adele’s ‘Rolling in the Deep’ and they liked it! They asked what my purpose was in being there and I told them, “I just like making people happy. When I sing in pubs and clubs I love it when the people come up to me at the end of the night and they tell me that they’d had a really good night. I feel like I’ve done my job, I’m happy.” The desk lady then said to me that if I made it through to the live auditions in front of the judges, I would receive a phone call. If I receive a letter or an email it’s over. I was told that I’d hear their decision in six to eight weeks. I thanked them for their time and told them I was going to have a very big drink that evening and went out to find Paul, relieved and elated that I’d done it! We left really happy, texting and phoning the few people we’d told about the auditions.
Then we waited... and waited... and waited months. The production auditions were on Mother’s Day! I was so upset that I’d be missing the chance to be with my son and my Mum on this special day but that was all sorted out and we celebrated on the Saturday instead.
Finally I received a phone call from a young X factor researcher. I was in the bath at the time and when Paul came in and said to me excitedly “It’s X factor!!” I said, “yeah right, okay honey...”
“no it really is honey” he said. “Oh my God!” I replied. I took the phone from him and spoke to the researcher, she asked me similar questions to the production interview and after an hour of chatting she said she’d call back in two to three days time. So we waited again. When she called back the first thing she said to me was, “you might be through to the judges.” I was so excited I couldn’t believe it. Paul was over the moon and told me he knew I could do it. He said he’s always had faith in me, it was only my fear and self doubt stopping me doing anything like this, he also asked for a private word with the researcher [On the phone, I asked if Sammy got through, would there be a chance of asking her to marry me on stage, she was very excited explaining that that had never happened before, and she would check and ring me back on my work number and to keep it secret from Sammy which I obviously was going to do. A few days later she rang me and said the team were very excited and that it was going to be ok to propose and Sammy had got through but I must not tell her. This was a very difficult time for me because the waiting was killing Sammy, she was so despondent and I knew she was through. I kept trying to gee her up and stop being so angry about the wait]. A few weeks later I got the call to tell me I was through and I immediately rang Paul, who I now know already knew.
By now it was mid July and in two weeks time we were all going up to the live audition in front of judges, Gary Barlow, Tulisa, Kelly Rowland and Louis Walsh. We told our families and friends and arranged for some to come up with us. Paul, my son Lewis, his son Tom, my best friends Andrea and Jane, my Mum and Dad, Grandad George, my older brother Mark and his mate John all agreed to make their way up to the
02 to see me sing. On the night before, about 10.30pm I received a phone call from the researcher asking if it would be possible to get up there for 6am, which we said "thats crazy we may as well leave now", they called back in a few more minutes and said they had arranged for someone closer to swap and to come up as planned. In the morning Paul was receiving my email so that I didnt have to worry and there was one from the Xfactor team saying that my backing tracks had too many backing vocals on them and were not to be used. Paul said not to worry and that we would deal with it up at the audition. The researcher told me not to worry and that they would buy the backing tracks for me when we got up to the 02. There would be time to practice, it’ll all be fine...
[Prior to all this I had been in touch with Sammy's mum and dad and asked their permission to marry her, and if they minded about me doing it at the auditions, and her mum agreed to let me use her ring for the proposal, I also recognised that Im a big unit of a fellow, and getting up and down with nothing to get hold of was going to be an issue, so my work colleagues and friends were all laughing at me getting up and down on one knee, in fact, I did it so much an old injury started playing me up, so I had to do loads of gardening to hide the fact that my knee was hurting. Sammy even commented I was doing a lot of gardening why dont I give it a rest].
I put my new dress on that I’d got for the production auditions and my long curly hair piece, a bit of make up to make me look a bit more glamorous and my sparkly shoes. Paul put his sexy black shirt on and black trousers, he looked so handsome and gorgeous. When we got there we took some photo’s outside, text our family and friends to make sure they knew how to get there and made our way in. It was massive! We’d never been to the 02 before and this was scary to say the least. “You’ll be fine” is what Andrea kept telling me. Bless her heart. Andrea and Jane were so supportive to Paul and I that day. We had Lewis with us, my six year old and Jane brought her son Thomas, Lewis’ best friend and they kept each other company. I was so proud of Lewis and Tom getting up at 4am and go with everything that was thrown at them. Move here, we need you over there. Poor Grandad George, in his eighties, told me not to worry, “it’s all still working Samantha, don’t you worry about me.” We met Mum and Dad in the foyer and took them upstairs with us to the holding area. Then we waited again. Paul said it was all ‘Hurry up! and wait’. This is how it’s going to be.
I did some interviews, Paul did some interviews, we all had to sit as a group and ‘look’ pensive. It was all very strange to us but still exciting. I asked a researcher that earlier organised the new backing tracks, “when will I get the new tracks so that I can practice please? Every backing track is different.” In my experience when you buy backing tracks from various places the timings, the intro, the key can all be different. I was getting nervous anyway and now waiting to hear the new backing tracks made me even more on edge. After more interviews and being pushed and pulled around to different parts of the building we were shown to a make up room to freshen up. There was a huge arc light in the corner as we went in. It was really hot and bright. But there was also a dressing table and mirror with lights all around it and make up spread out. Behind us was a shelf unit full of ‘posh’ perfumes and after shaves. I had a squirt of one of them but I’d already done my make up and was a bit surprised at the researcher saying “you can use this room to put your make up on and you want to look your best for the judges and appearing on tv...” I thought, I’ve done my make up. What are you on about? We were both puzzled. Paul was aware that there might be a hidden camera in there. I sat on the X factor chair and Paul took my photo. It was like a dream.
When we came out of there we were all escorted downstairs behind the stage. On our way we saw Louis Walsh doing an interview, we all said, “Look! Look! There’s Louis Walsh!” We had to stay very quiet while he did his bit. It seemed to take ages walking through corridors and round corners to the area behind the stage. All we could hear was a roar from the crowd and the muffled voices of the judges. The lights were bright beyond the back of the stage and it all became very real at that moment. I was scared. We looked at one another with bulging eyes and big smiles. I didn’t want to let Paul, my son Lewis, my family, my best friends and everyone that had ever given me a chance down. The years of singing to pub audiences, the landlords, landladies, friends that said they wanted me to sing for them. My friends who’d bought me cards, sent messages of ‘good luck’ and ‘you can do it’. This was going to be for all of them. But most of all my Paul who got me here in the first place and held my hand through all of it. [At this point I was getting wound up big time as everyone on the team was asking what Id do if Sammy said no, and doubts were beginning to creep in at this point, up until then I had been so sure, I was confident her singing was going to get her through and if it didn't then my proposal after the judging would save the day, hopefully].
I stood finally backstage with the cd player the researcher had lent me to listen to the new backing track. This was half an hour before I was due to go on and sing. I pressed play and hoped the song would be similar to the one I’d been practising to for the past fortnight. I’d chosen
Tina Turner ‘Proud Mary’ to blast out and hopefully show off my voice to the judges. It always went down well when I went out singing it. To my huge disappointment, the cd player kept going off. What I did manage to listen to was very different to my backing track anyway so instead of panicking I had to think fast and make a decision. I was angry that I’d been in interviews the whole time from 7am and not given the opportunity to listen to this track to practice. I was going to go on stage and cock it up in front of everyone and on national television. No. So after I’d been briefed about the microphone I said “I’m sorry but I can’t use this backing track, it’s very different to the one I’ve been practising to. I’m sorry.” Then I asked if I could do
Kings of Leon ‘Sex if on Fire’ because I knew that it didn’t have any backing vocals on. Failing that I could offer something very different and sing the Vera Lynn ‘Lilly Marlene’ a capella. They really liked that at the production auditions. So. I was set in my mind and quickly grabbed my iPod and started to practice. I had 25 minutes before I was on and this was it. I had to get a grip and get on with what I had chosen to do. It wasn’t what I wanted but I was here and this was happening.
When my name was called, I felt a strength inside me to go and get it done. My family and friends were all looking at me from beside the stage, proud and smiling. So I walked up to join them. I got to the front where I had to wait and stand ready for
Dermot O’Leary to usher us all in to the space where we were going to be filmed beforehand. I closed my eyes for a few moments. I was trying so hard to concentrate on the lyrics, heart racing, adrenaline pumping. I’d practised this song the night before in front of Paul, Andrea and Tom and I messed it up! Oh well. Feeling all the pat’s on my back, “go on girl, you can do it” hearing Andrea whispering in my ear “you’ll be fine mate”. I thought, here goes.
We all walked over to Dermot, shook his hand and he said, “hello, what’s your name?” I said, “Samantha.” “How do you feel?” he said, “I’m nervous, excited... I just want to get on there now.” I said, shaking. “Crikey, she’s all business” he said jokingly to Paul. “Oh yes!” he replied. Then it was time for me to make my way up the stairs to the stage. I could not stand still. I was so pumped it was unbelievable. I’ve never felt like that ever before. The two researchers standing with me told me to bring energy to the stage, involve the audience, talk to the judges, have fun! Have fun? I was terrified! I looked out to thousands of faces cheering, laughing at the judges comments, waiting to maybe change my life and learn to be a better performer, singer, entertainer. Who knows.
[So I was left with Dermot with the family and I told him what I was going to do, he was surprised as he didnt know, but he was impressed by my bottle, my impressions of Dermot was that he was a top bloke, someone that I could easily be friends with a genuinely nice guy]. I walked out to face the four judges and 5000 people in the audience. Lights were bright, faces smiling, cheers ringing out because they could see I was up for it. I was asked for my name and where I came from. I told them about my dream of singing on a big stage with a big band behind me and using my vintage microphone. I also told them my other dream was to own my own
VW Camper van one day. I was hoping for bigger better opportunities whereby I could earn enough money to buy one you see. We all have to have dreams in life. This was one of mine. Then I announced what I was going to sing. The music came on, the first line came into my head and this was it, I was off and running. The crowd loved it, they cheered and joined in,
Caroline Flack from the Xtra Factor programme even came out to the front of the stage and joined in.
Kelly Rowland was rocking in her seat too! Then,
Gary Barlow waved his arm and stopped before I got to the end. I was surprised, I thought I was doing alright. Okay, it wasn’t my first choice but I got the audience on side?
Tulisa said that I wasn’t going to be the next
Beyoncé and that my voice was best suited to pubs and clubs. Okay then, I thought. But in my head I thought, well it is a pub anthem love. But she wasn’t horrible or rude about her opinion, she was fair. I would’ve said the same. Gary Barlow agreed. So it was two ‘no’s’.
Louis Walsh however said he liked me, I was very likeable and that his decision was ‘yes’. Kelly Rowland also agreed, she said ‘yes’ too. They all liked my energy, I thought, ‘yeah, I’ve got enough energy pumping through me right now to light up the whole of Hastings mate!’ Louis Walsh then went on to say, “Samantha, you’ve got two yes’s, you need three... what do you think you can say to sway us?”
[At this point I was asked to go on stage which was against my wishes but I was in the moment and didnt really think that one through]. In that moment I didn’t know what to say. The audience called out “give her a chance!” I was so moved and happy they’d enjoyed it. Then I turned to my left because the audience suddenly roared and started cheering for Paul who was walking onto the stage! I had to look twice because I didn’t know what was going on! I thought, ‘oh here we go this is it, my ‘private’ hello with Gary Barlow!’ which Paul had requested over the phone last week with one of the researchers. I was really excited. I thought how on earth is he going to arrange for Gary Barlow coming and introducing himself to me personally? But it was something entirely different. He confidently walked on and I said shocked “what are you doing here?” He then went on to say “I’d like to borrow a moment of your time please, for Samantha.” I looked at him and thought ‘right, okay?’ and he then bent down onto one knee and held out a small black box. I couldn’t believe it. My dreams came true in that moment. Everyone else had disappeared and it was just Paul and I in the world. “Will you marry me?” I couldn’t help myself crying, I’d been hoping Paul would ask me for a long time. He’s such a good, kind, loving, compassionate man and a great father and influence on my son. The ring was my Mum’s emerald ring that Dad had given to her. Emerald’s were my Nan’s favourite too. It was meant to be. “Yes please” I replied falling into Paul’s big, strong arms. Next thing I know, yes there’s more! The judges all came up onto the stage and congratulated us and kissed us on the cheek. Then Louis talked about getting down to business and looked at Tulisa and the other judges asking “what are we going to do?” Tulisa then spoke up and said that as she is a ‘people’ person and as an early wedding present, she would change her ‘no’ to a ‘yes’. I jumped up and down and thanked the judges. I couldn’t believe it. I’m getting married, I’m through to Bootcamp and I found out I could perform on a big stage in front of thousands of people on tv. Get in! I ran off the stage to my fiance and hugged and kissed him. We came down the stairs to my son Lewis asking, “Mummy are you famous now?” “No darling, not yet” I replied tearful. I was so proud and happy to share these moments with my family and friends. Paul made it such a magical day, one I’ll never forget. After all the interviews off the stage afterwards, we had to wait for the last Xtra Factor interview, five flaming hours! Also had to fill in my Bootcamp registration, which was pages of paperwork alongside my supplied identification. In the end I had to say to one of the researchers that we had children that had been up since 4am and needed to get them home. Luckily Jane and her son Thomas, Andrea and Paul’s son Tom all went off for food and amusement in the 02 whilst they waited for us to come out. It felt like forever. We just wanted to go home after waiting five hours. Our feet were hurting, our bottoms numb and mind’s frazzled from all the excitement of the day.
Finally we did our last interview, had photo’s taken, more interviews for the X factor website and then we could go and meet our children and friends. Lewis ran up to me and hugged me so tightly. I was so happy that he was there to see that, even though he wont fully understand until the wedding what it all means. We were finally going to be part of our own little family again. Something that had escaped us years before. We went home and sent texts and made phone calls to everyone who’d sent good wishes to us for the day. We were all shattered. Andrea left for home in the early evening and I put Lewis straight to bed with a quick story and a kiss goodnight.
Then we waited for Bootcamp.
Leading up to Bootcamp I had my son’s sixth Birthday to plan and organise presents, party treats, bouncy castle, etc. So that took our minds off all the X factor plans. Until I received a white envelope one week before I had to leave. It contained my Bootcamp pack details. When I read the pages of instructions and details of how it was going to proceed I did my usual and started to panic about the whole thing. It said to practice six songs on their list because only one of them would be chosen for me to perform. I only knew one of the six songs I had to learn initially and the others were tricky to learn. Three of them had a lot of lyrics and I thought, ‘I’m never going to do this’. But I did. I concentrated on one song per night and I thought there is no way I’m going to go and do something as big as this and be unprepared. As well as learning these six songs I also had to have a solo piece prepared from another list of the 30 songs supplied on a separate sheet. The pack also explained about wardrobe, dresses for glamorous occasions, audition clothes, clothes for movement and that our meals would all be supplied. It was all very exciting, though I felt sad that I was leaving Paul and my little Lewis for what I thought was going to be five days. But as Paul kept telling me I had to forget all of those thoughts and concentrate on the job in hand or I would ruin it for myself and lose focus.
I practised every day in between work and playing with Lewis and then I sang each one through with the supplied backing track every night after putting him to bed. I felt quite sorry for him because I had each song allocated for each day on repeat. So that meant he knew each song as well. It was so funny hearing my six year old singing, “Baby I was Born this Way!...” he’s fabulous. “Don’t worry Mummy, it’s the ‘star’ bit” he’d say when I mucked up the first verse. I knew then that he was really rooting for me and hoping I was going to do well. But at the same time I knew he was sad that Mummy was going away. It did have an effect on him too as I found out when I came back. He’s fine now thank goodness, understandably he felt ‘misplaced’ being with Paul and his two sons for a few days. It’s only the second time that we’d had a few days apart; ever.
When Sunday arrived Paul and I were up and ready to get to my Mum and Dad’s house so that we could all go up together. We had to be at the Talkback Thames Offices in Tottenham Court Road at 12.30. There was nowhere to park when we got there so they dropped me off and Paul saw me to the door where he hugged me, told me to enjoy it and we told each other we loved each other. I waved from the window nervously and felt like a child on her first school day; inadequate. I went in and saw another lady on her own, looking just as nervous, all smiles like we all were and we started chatting. Her name was Lynn and she was from Glasgow. She had such a bubbly personality and was easy to talk to. There were some people there who already looked like popstars so I began to feel very intimidated. But I kept in my mind that I was chosen to be here so get on with it. We all got checked in and moved downstairs to the storage area of the building, which was really smelly and hot. After much more waiting and chatting to others, getting to know people and where they were from, we were all called out to the front of the building where we waited for coaches to take us to a secret location. We were anxiously looking round at each other, eyeing each other up, wondering what each person sounded like, hearing all different accents around. Hours later, the white coaches arrived with massive vinyl X factor symbols on the sides! Wow! We all thought and our smiles turned into beams as the waiting seemed all worth it. We got into our age groups and were led onto the coaches. Names were called out as we got on and every time my name was called I had to pinch myself to remind myself that I was meant to be there and I wasn’t dreaming. When I got into my line I got chatting to some more very nice people, Bev, Asheelama and and Irish guy from northern Ireland who said he didn’t talk to many people because they asked him to keep repeating himself as they didn’t understand him. Well I’ve had that too in my past. Lots of people have always criticised my accent too. We made our way off up the motorway to Surrey, it took over two hours to get there because they wanted to keep us in suspense even longer. If that was possible. We just wanted to get there! When we arrived we saw the X Factor banners waving and staff ready to greet us. It was weird and actually happening. When we were all taken upstairs to be briefed about behaviour and what was going to happen next we were all sitting on the floor, hungry, tired and hoping to get to our rooms and get a cup of tea (I hoped). I couldn’t believe that there weren’t any chairs to sit on while we waited for our names to be called out to collect our keys. Finally my name was called and I made my way to my room. Remembering the email I’d got from my researcher, I was wondering who I would get paired with. When I opened the door to Dani I was so happy. “Oh! Hello! It’s you!” we both said relieved. We’d met at the 02, on the day of the live auditions and got on well. We were both so worried about being paired with 15 or 16 year old stick insects that looked great in anything at any hour of the day and had a voice like a nightingale! So kettle on we then discovered similar things about each other. She is a lovely person, a Mum too, to one son Kingston. We both had our photo’s of our loved ones on the bed stands and unpacked some of our things. On our crisp white pillows was an invitation to a party that night. We’d heard rumours about a party being thrown for us but that’s all we knew. We realised we didn’t have much time after all the waiting around we had to do before we had to actually be at this party! So we smartened ourselves up and away we went, feeling excited, nervous and intrigued. When we arrived the first thing I saw was the ice bar with an X carved into it. It was really impressive. I turned to my right as I walked down some steps and saw a big white chocolate fountain, with bowls of strawberries, marshmallows, grapes and a very smart waiter ready to serve. There was a dancefloor and music equipment, sparkling lights everywhere and huge doors that led out to a massive terrace. Out on the terrace there were four poster beds, two jacuzzi’s and tables with parasols above. Snack food was being served and free drinks like sparkling wine and orange juice was being offered frequently. I met a few more people that night, one of whom was Roger Boyd. He was irish too and had a tall frame and long blonde hair. He made me laugh all the time! He was extremely quick witted and also very aware of the underlying reasons for all the various things on offer that night. Camera’s were everywhere hoping to catch someone ‘acting up’ to make good tv. I wasn’t so naive that I didn’t know what was hoped of us, plying us with alcohol, making us all feel like superstars and trying to make us relax into it to encourage liasons. Dani, Roger, George, who Dani introduced me to, Kadim and I were all chatting outside about how it felt to be there and experience it all and what we thought was going to happen the next day. When the music started a lot of us went in and had a dance. It was loud booming music which was great and if I wasn’t so tired and there on holiday I’d have been joining in. But the fact was we were there to work, to learn, to prove something to ourselves or so we thought. I then said to the others that I was shattered and was thinking about going to bed. Happily the others agreed and was of the same thinking as me. Why would you stay until the small hours getting tanked up when we could have been facing our audition the next day? So we agreed to meet for breakfast the next morning and wait and see what was in store for us next.
When morning came I felt so rough. I hardly slept a wink, hoping I hadn’t kept Dani awake with my tossing and turning I think it was because it was a strange bed, all the excitement of the day before maybe. I had a thumping headache and felt really sick. Still, we had to be up and ready for breakfast down in the restaurant before 9am or we’d miss out. We all met up and ate our breakfast then afterwards, a couple of X factor researchers told us all to make our way out into the grounds and await further instructions. The sun was blazing hot and with a banging head that wasn’t great fun. There were four numbered posts standing at the edge of the huge lawn area where we were all waiting. Whispers and chatting under hands spoke of ‘maybe we’re getting our mentor’s?’ and ‘maybe we’ll be put into groups for songwriting?’ What happened much later after even more waiting was
Olly Murs turned up with Caroline Flack, film crews, lots more X factor people and then an announcement. We were to be put into four groups. Our names were called and I was placed in Group 1. Everyone was looking round to see who was in their group, knowing that some had shown off a bit of singing on the coaches during the journey here. Also some people were saying that they’d heard him or her sing and they were really good. So we each had a small taster of who had a great singing voice. We were all waiting when suddenly on the lane at the edge of the lawn four black cars turned up. We all cheered when Louis Walsh sprang out of his car first. Then the other judges all got out one by one. I have to say, yes it was cool to see them again but it was slightly cheesy. They are people like us after all. They made their way up the steps to the restaurant where they had to wait to make their ‘tv’ entrance. Olly Murs and Caroline shouted out a hello. Then it all began. None of us were expecting what was about to happen. After the walk on and staged cheers for the camera’s Gary Barlow announces that they shouldn’t have put all of us through! They didn’t believe that we all had potential and so some of us would be going home now. Firstly group 1, Gary announced that he thought we DID have potential, then group 4 and group 3, which meant group 2 were going home. After our cheers in group 1 we felt sorry for all the people in group 2 who had enjoyed the party the night before, been made to feel special, made to feel like they had a chance, had bought new outfits for this whole occasion, booked time off work, rehearsed the six songs only to be told you’re going home. It was awful and suddenly it all became very real again and that at any moment, we could be sent home. I was gutted for a couple of friends that I’d met the day before and shared our happiness with, now they were leaving so abrubtly.
We then had to all pile back into one group and await our names to be called out again, but this time into groups of six or more. We were also going to be chosen our songs out of the six I’d been practising all week. Our group got
Cee Lo Green ‘Forget You’ and in our group was George, who was a true gypsy, Ika, Shante and two young boys who were called Kendro. Ika took on a lead role and quickly asked everyone which part of the song we would like to sing. I needed to prove myself to Gary so I asked if anyone would mind me singing the chorus at the end of the song which started with a high vocal and a pre chorus at the beginning. We also sang a chorus together. It was a fair split I think, everyone was happy and so we got to work. To our surprise Caroline Flack and Olly Murs came over to interview our group whilst we sorted out which parts we were singing, it was great. We were told we had four hours to rehearse before the coach arrived to take us to
Wembley Arena to perform in front of the judges again. In fact it was three hours by the time we were put into groups. Food hadn’t been mentioned at this point so we each took a packed lunch bag as we waited to to board the coaches. We rehearsed and rehearsed and rehearsed until we were shattered because what we didn’t know was, we had hours and hours to practice our group audition once we arrived at the Arena! During the times that we rested we got the chance to listen to some of the other groups rehearsing. I was astonished at the talent that was there. It felt great to be part of it. Hours passed and it seemed to take forever for the mass of people to start disappearing downstairs to perform. We kept on rehearsing to make sure we had our audition perfect. We were also filmed rehearsing so at least that will be shown, hopefully, especially as it was earlier in the day. It was getting late and we were so hungry and thirsty. Ika came over with some bottles of water! “I didn’t know there was water?” I said. No one told us anything. Then about midnight a trolley appeared with some pizza boxes on and some side dishes. “There’s food here!” the researcher announced. I’m not kidding, it was a ‘free-for-all’. By the time our group at the other side of the room made it to the front there was none left. I said, “well is there any more?” “no, that’s it” she replied. “what are we supposed to do then?” we then asked. It was then that we were told the pizza’s were to share! “well don’t you think you’d better announce that then?” I said. So it was announced and we were told to go up to people and ask for a slice of pizza from them. During the day food was never announced. Water or available drinks were never announced. It was only that I saw George sitting at a table in the restaurant that I knew that there was anything to eat! I quickly ate and dashed upstairs to let others know there was food. In the end a lot of us were putting the apples from the packed lunch in our bags as we didn’t know when we were next going to eat. We all thought the organisation was terrible. At last it was time for our group audition, we were so tired as it was 1.15am. We were told to go on with lots of energy as the judges were very disappointed so far. We looked at one another in wonderment, how can we show high energy at 1.15am in the morning. We hadn’t eaten properly, we were tired, vocally as well as mentally and physically. But! We did bring energy! It’s amazing what the human body and mind will achieve when you want something so badly. We all performed as we did when we rehearsed, except Kendro. They were just too tired. When the last part of the song came up I stepped out in front and sang my bit, with a couple of others singing along too in places. Which I have to say was a bit annoying, this was my turn and I am very competitive but fair, I stuck to keeping quiet when the others sang their parts, but that’s just me. At least I sang my part and one line from the end, Gary stopped the audition. That was it, poker faces and thanks from the judges and we were walking offstage and handing back our mic’s. George and I were gasping for a cup of tea, when I saw a researcher heading for the stage with a tray of hot drinks all fresh and steaming, I joked and put my hand up to take one. “Oh lovely, thanks mate” I said with a sarcastic smile. Thankfully, he said to us “if you do want a cup of tea just make your way up those stairs and there’s a canteen with tea and coffee.” We were then thinking to ourselves why weren’t we told that earlier? Even one of the staff told us that last year they layed on tea and coffee and couldn’t understand why it wasn’t available this year. After a much needed hot cup of tea we went and sat on one of the storage cases to drink it. Shoes off, feet swollen we talked about our audition and how we thought it all went. As long as I’d done my best Paul said I wouldn’t be letting myself or anyone else down. We felt sorry for the Kendro boys, knowing that they didn’t sing. I told them not to worry. They are character’s and lovely boys. I knew they would be through because they had been filmed a lot during the day. They are talented and knew how to work it and on top of it all, nice people. When we stood on stage after our audition, I put my hand on Kendal’s shoulder to try and comfort him. Oh well, we’ll find out soon enough I thought. We then made our way back to the coaches. I was so pumped after what we’d just done I knew that I wasn’t going to nod off on the coach on the way back. We’d been told earlier on from the researchers that we all had to be in the hotel foyer for 6.30am to check out. So that meant by the time we got back to the hotel at 3.30am we’d have only two hours sleep! My head was spinning on the way back to the hotel. I couldn’t help thinking ‘I wonder if they liked it, I wonder if I did enough?’ So, I drank some water that I’d saved and very quickly got back to my room quietly. Dani was sound asleep so I kept quiet and kept the lights off so I didn’t wake her. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out for the count. After a dreadful night tossing and turning the night before and the measly two hours I was about to get now, I needed anything to regain some energy. I set my alarm that Dad had let me borrow, for 5.45am so that I could at least grab a croissant from the restaurant before we all had to meet at the foyer at 6.30am to board the coaches again at 6.45am.
Dani and I went downstairs and into the restaurant for breakfast bleary eyed and shattered. I picked up a croissant and some orange juice for energy and ate it as best I could. I felt sick I was so tired but not knowing when we were going to eat again that day I forced it down. I needed to eat after being so sick on Monday. Then the researchers called out names for the ‘first’ coach. FIRST coach? So all of the auditionee’s that sang late and had two hours sleep needn’t have rushed down! Again, terrible organisation. Typical we thought. When it was our turn to get on the coach at gone 9.30am we made our way back to the Arena. I had a text from Paul on the coach telling me that Lewis had a toothache and I was so tired at that point I was fighting back the tears because I wasn’t there to be with him. I had every faith in Paul but as Lewis’ Mum I felt I was missing him so much and Paul. I took a deep breath, Louise the girl sitting next to me said, “come on! He’ll be fine!” She’s a Mum of two as well and was another very nice person. She very quickly brought me back around from my stupidity. In fact as far as everyone I met there, apart from a few ‘ego’s’ the majority were supportive, friendly and kind. Dani had been to shops and got some fruit which she kindly shared with us and I had grabbed another apple for my bag as well; even though now I was sick of apples. Thankfully then I managed to get some shut eye on the journey.
When we made it back to Wembley Arena we were all nervous and wondering when it was all going to kick off. I just wanted to know how we did, how I did, I thought we’d done bloody well considering all the circumstances. Especially now after watching a couple of episodes and seeing how the judges had plenty of delicious food spread out across their tables! After we arrived Roger and I took a quick walk round the corner to a little mini market to grab some snacks. We talked about our group auditions and how we felt about it all. We both agreed that as long as we did our best that was all we could do. Sadly he wasn’t happy with how he performed but I bet he was brilliant. Maybe I was caught up in all the high’s of the occasion but I do still feel that it couldn’t have been that bad because when other contestants came round to hear us rehearse, they told me that we all sounded great. We each told everyone how good they sounded though. I was amazed at some of the younger singers that were belting out the high notes so powerfully. They had everything in front of them. It was easy work for them I thought. Names started to be called out. We thought it was for the judges verdicts but we later discovered it was for filming purposes. I wasn't called for any filming. This made me feel sad and I knew in my gut that this was it. I was going home. I kept a small slither of confidence up my sleeve though, just in case.
After hours more waiting we were served FOOD! No I’m not kidding you, we had a hot meal served up. It was a choice of chicken in a white wine sauce or bangers and mash. There was a choice of desserts on offer too! When I looked round and talked to a few people we all agreed it was so nice to sit down and eat a hot meal at last. This was served at lunchtime and it was great. We sat around tables eating together, talking about how we thought the day was going to unfold, where the judges here yet? There was even rumours going round that Rhianna was coming! Yeah right! A few of the contestants were singing, I remember one girl singing an Adele song to someone accompanying her on his guitar. It was lovely. We all applauded. I half wanted to say I’d like to sing my Adele song that I’d been practising, but I didn’t. Then behind me some other girls started singing to a guitarist and that was good too. Everyone was happy.
Then more names started to be called. We found out that the judges were in the building. After everyone had finished eating we were all waiting, sitting on our cases, sitting at tall tables being filmed looking ‘thoughtful’, in our minds thinking ‘will it be me?’ The waiting was torture and I felt that they (the researchers) were loving it. Whenever you spoke to one of them, everything was ‘amazing’. They weren’t really listening to you unless you were interesting to them. So in other words you weren’t ‘amazing’. It seemed to me that if you weren’t prepared to do something or act outrageous for the camera’s you weren’t interesting or amazing, you were just going home. This wasn’t about singing, this was about a tv show.
We were then escorted downstairs into a huge queue. There we were standing in our groups all wishing each other good things, all desperate for a that glimmer of success. Unfortunately for us, George wasn’t anywhere to be seen. We grew worried and made the guess that he must have been caught up in an interview. The Kendro boys were really worried about their part in the audition. I told them again not to worry. “You’re great lads, you are characters and I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about. In fact I’m certain of it”. They thanked me graciously and continued to look like rabbits caught in the headlights. We waited and waited for George to turn up, asking researchers for help finding him. Then much later he appeared. Apparently because of his weak heart and high blood pressure, all the stress had made him incredibly poorly. His blood pressure was dangerously high and he was under supervision by a medic. Poor man. So lucky or maybe not so lucky for the rest of us, our group got bumped to the front to end his anxiety and get our decisions. We walked down behind the stage and waited to go up the stairs again to stand in front of Gary Barlow, Kelly Rowland, Tulisa and Louis Walsh. When our names were called we were told to stand at the bottom of the stairs so that we could be filmed looking anxious. None of us needed to put that on! That was our natural feeling anyway! I was now excited, I couldn’t wait to hear what they thought, so we walked up, in our order of singing the song and stood still on our markers in front of them. There were camera’s and researchers, Olly Murs and Caroline Flack were also in the audience. Kelly Rowland was the only one to do the talking. She said they thought it was one of the worst of the group auditions they’d seen, painful to watch. My face let go of my smile, my heart was broken. She paused for a moment, then looked up and asked Ika “What happened to your voice?” he replied that he wasn’t sure and that he was vocally tired. Then she did another dramatic pause and asked the Kendro boys to step forward. “What happened to you guys? Did you forget the words?” All the boys could do was apologise and promise it wouldn’t happen again.
[Overall, I have to say I have been most disappointed about the editing of the audition to show Sammy in a poor light, suggesting that she only got through on the fact that I proposed, we intended this blog for others to find the facts and do some background research and hopefully rethink their views of Sammy, she has talent, but even if people have a difference of opinion thats their right, but common decency surely would suggest they phrase it in a more polite manner. ITV This Morning, were positively cutting in their comments with no real research behind the immediate video footage, its easy to make a judgement without knowing the whole story, I would have loved for them to give her a fair crack of the whip and listen to her singing before judging her based on a 15 sec video or whatever it was.]
